A Hand To Hold
by rosekatxo
Summary: Oneshot directly following on from Tuesday's episode (Group Animal). When Jac's life is on the brink, a familiar face helps to pull her back. Spoilers for this week's episodes.


Pain.

That's all she could feel. Blinding pain. Hands clutching her left side, she looked down, vision swimming. Blood everywhere. Hands shaking uncontrollably, trying to staunch the flow, but there was so much.

Too much.

Head spinning, she remembered the last time she'd seen this much blood. The way her hands had looked, tainted with crimson stains that still hadn't faded no matter how much she'd scrubbed at them. Blood on her hands, in more ways than one.

Jasmine's blood. Her blood. The two mingled together in her mind – was it hers? Jasmine's? She supposed it was both – the blood that tied them together. There was a kind of poetic irony in that, she thought.

 _Blood comes from vessels. All bleeding comes from cut vessels. All bleeding eventually stops._

Dizziness overcame her. Sliding pathetically down the door frame, she no longer had the energy to hold herself upright. Instead, she fell limp, cheek hitting the cool floor. Fuzziness everywhere, every limb, every ounce of her body unfeeling. Absent-mindedly, she wondered if this is how Jasmine had felt as she'd laid here in this very corridor, moments from death.

Alone. Terrified. Hopeless.

Squinting through blurred vision, she could just make out the corner where she knew her sister's fate had been sealed. She should've known not to come down here alone. She'd just wanted one final look, one last visit to say goodbye. But now it seemed that this basement was destined to be her final resting place too. The two tormented sisters, undeserving of happiness, lives tragically cut short.

Maybe this was their destiny. To be together in death, but not in life.

Her eyes began to droop. She was exhausted, so tired of fighting. She wasn't strong enough. The temptation was too much. To succumb to death, she'd never have to feel again. It seemed an easier option. Jonny would take care of Emma, he'd be a better parent than she'd ever been. She hadn't been able to save Jasmine – this was her punishment.

A strangled sob rose in her throat as her consciousness began to waver. She couldn't think straight, fragmented thoughts swirling around her head.

 _Tell Emma I love her. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry for everything._

Her world was fading to black. Every part of her body convulsed, whether with fear or pain she couldn't tell any more. This was it. She knew. _This must be what it feels like to die._ Still spluttering, unable to catch her breath, her anguished cries grew louder.

 _Make it stop. It hurts too much. I don't want to fight. I'm going to see Jasmine again._

"Jac."

A whisper, so soft she could hardly make out the voice. So soft, in fact, she wasn't sure if she'd heard anything at all. Her eyes fluttered shut once more, unable or perhaps unwilling to fight any longer.

"Jac," more urgent this time, and louder. Stronger. "It's me, Jac. Open your eyes for me. Come on, now."

Something stirred inside her. Still she couldn't place the voice, it sounded so far away, her brain was too muddled up to process it. But an uncanny feeling washed over her. She knew she had to obey, she didn't know why, but it was important. With all her might, she slowly forced herself to blink.

She opened her eyes, and the figure of her sister swam before her.

"Ssssh now, it's okay," Jasmine soothed, moving closer. "I'm here now, everything's going to be okay."

It was only then that Jac became aware of the guttural sobs echoing around the corridor, realising with a start that they were coming from her. Panic built up inside her as she lay paralysed with fear, emitting broken gasps as tears streamed down her chalk-white face.

"Breathe, Jac. Please," She became aware of a presence beside her, instantly comforted by the warmness. "That's it, nice deep breaths for me."

Suddenly she felt her head being gently raised, her body adjusted. Jasmine had come to comfort her, to hold her as she slipped away, both there for each other when it mattered the most. Turning her head with great difficulty, she looked up into the face of her little sister. The face she'd longed to see ever since that fateful day, that had haunted so many of her waking moments, not to mention her dreams.

"Jasmine," she croaked, eyes filling with yet more tears. The blonde smiled sadly, one hand reaching out to Jac's who clutched it with everything she had. She seemed to draw strength from Jasmine's grasp, breathing deeper and more evenly now.

"It's okay, you're okay," Jasmine soothed, cradling Jac's head in her lap. Her sister shook her head feebly.

"I'm so sorry, Jasmine." The heartwrenching tone in her fragile voice was almost unbearable. "I'm so sorry for everything. I never got the chance to tell you I love you, but I do. I do love you."

"You never had to," the blonde replied gently, moving to stroke the hair away from her sister's face. "I already knew."

The older woman's face clouded over in confusion.

"How could you?" she cried. "I was horrible, I pushed you aware. I didn't realise how much I needed you until it was too late."

Jasmine sighed. "I'm your sister, Jac, of course I knew. I know you, and I know you loved me. You were there for me when it mattered the most, weren't you? You held my hand at the very end, you asked me not to go, and if I'd had any doubts before I knew then that you loved me."

"Then why did you have to leave me?" Jac's body trembled with suppressed sobs. "Why did you have to go? I needed you, I _still_ need you. I can't do any of this without you."

By this point both women had tears flowing freely down their cheeks, Jasmine's mingling with Jac's own as they delicately trickled onto her frail body.

"You never have to do this without me, Jac. I'll always be with you. _Always._ Can't you feel it?" Jac held her gaze for a second, lip wavering.

"Really?" she asked timidly. She sounded so small, so frightened, so childlike and unsure of herself that it almost tore Jasmine's heart in two.

"Of course," the blonde reassured. "I promise you. You know I didn't want to leave you. We had years together, years of lost time to make up for. I had so many plans. We were going to be a family. But it was my time, Jac. You can't fight fate."

"Then this is my time too," Jac whimpered. "I'm not strong enough, I don't want to fight any more. I want to be with you." She clung to her sister like a child, scared to release her hold for fear of being left alone once more.

"You have to fight, Jac," Jasmine spoke fiercely, startling the redhead slightly. "This is _not_ your time, it can't be. Use every last bit of strength you have and fight back, fight for your little girl and the life you have together. Fight for me. You owe it to us both to make sure Emma has the life neither of us had."

"So you're saying… I'm not dead? Is this not what death feels like?" Jac questioned shakily. Jasmine shrugged.

"Well, obviously I don't know how you feel. But when it happened for me, it was over in an instant. I was scared, and then you were there holding my hand, and then I was at peace. Simple, really."

"But if I'm not dying, why are you here? Why can I see you? You're… Well, you're dead," the redhead felt stupid stating the obvious, but the whole situation was overwhelming her.

"How observant of you," Jasmine laughed gently, causing the corners of her sister's lips to quirk up in amusement. "I'm here because you needed me. Because the guilt has been eating you alive, and you needed to let go of it to let yourself be free. I've tried to reach out so many times, to show you somehow that it's okay, that I forgive you. To tell you that it's okay you grieve. You understand now, don't you?" Jac's lips parted in confusion, and the blonde continued.

"You have to go back and let yourself live, Jac. You've seen what keeping everything inside does to you. You're the strongest person I've ever known, and I know you can do this." She squeezed her sister's hand once more. "It won't be easy, but I'll be with you every step of the way. Emma needs her mum more than I need you. You deserve happiness, Jac, and if you let yourself grieve and _feel_ for once you might just find it."

Jac nodded slowly, eyes fluttering shut as she fought to stay awake.

"Keep fighting, you silly girl," Jasmine leant down and planted a soft kiss on her sister's forehead. "They're going to save you. I'll make sure of it."

"Don't leave me?" Jac murmured quietly, taking one last longing look at her sister and trying desperately to take it in despite the tiredness threatening to consume her.

"Never," Jasmine assured her gently, continuing to stroke her face carefully as the redhead drifted out of consciousness.

"I love you."

Jasmine had to strain to make out what Jac was saying, but as the redhead's eyes closed a small smile appeared on her face. Jasmine smiled too – she'd achieved what she had to, and her sister had put her demons to rest. Maybe now she could move on.

"I love you too," she whispered, squeezing Jac's hand one last time.

Blinding pain. That was the first thing Jac was aware of – well, that and blinding light. She squinted uncomfortably, trying to prise her heavy eyelids open.

"Jac? Can you hear me?" She felt a pressure on her left hand still, comforted in her semi-conscious state that her sister was still with her, that she'd kept her promise.

"Jasmine?" she mumbled, finally succeeding in opening her eyes. Figures came swimming into focus, but none of them distinguishable. "Jasmine," she tried again, voice hoarse as she attempted to look around.

"No no no, lie back down, Jac, don't try and move. It's okay." The voice was coming from her left side, but it wasn't Jasmine's. Furrowing her brow, she tried to place it.

"Fletch?"

Now she was coming to, she could feel his clammy palm in hers. The pang of disappointment that her sister was no longer with her replaced by the warmth of his presence.

"Yep, I'm here. Don't panic," he reassured her. She could see the relief in his eyes and wondered briefly how long she'd been out, how bad the damage was. But before she could ask, a glint of sliver caught her eye. Glancing down at the hand Fletch was holding, she saw the delicate chain of the locket, still clutched tightly between her fingers. He followed her eyeline and smiled sadly.

"They couldn't prise it off you. We tried, but you just wouldn't let go."

Letting go of his hand, she turned the locket over, offering a silent _thank you_ to her sister as her thumb brushed the cool metal.

"Everything's gonna be okay, Jac," Fletch continued gently. "You'll get through this."

Jac raised her eyeline, smiling softly despite the pain, hand enclosing aroud the locket once more.

"I know."


End file.
